The void is being in love with two men, two stories, two promises. One glows with the promised flush of that first hot thrust. Immediate gratification. The other tantalizes with the promise of a full to bursting future, but it’s a happily ever after that pulls further away with every desperate reach from within the void. Because while your brain chemistry adjusts to reward a new set of attentions, and you progress towards real change, there is no way to ignore that first lover’s little whisper in your ear… “I swear,” it teases, titillates, “this will be the last time.”
Of course you and I both know this is insanity! But it’s our most irresistible limbic lie. From within the void, old rituals, however banal, suddenly light up with religious exaltation. Cutting out caffeine? Sitting on the dock… lake lapping gently… sun spreading in dappled strips across the cool sand, opening nature’s blinds on another perfect day… and here comes your happily ever after with a latte and the eager smile of a man knowing he is bringing only pleasure. How could you say no to that first tickle of fresh foam? To that warmth? To that sparkling deep body kiss that lifts your entire being to match to glory of the day. How could any future fullness reject such easy magic?
That little voice is your most dangerous lover, because he/she was your first and no one will ever know better how to seduce you: your limbic mascot (you can see my ‘Mitch the insatiable itch’ taunting me above ~wink). It’s that one primal part of you that not just knows but feels your mortality – every second of every day. It can’t commit – why would it? – to the unfathomable horror of any life of ‘less than’. And so you let yourself imagine taking that first hot sip… the flood opens and suddenly your brain is humming with dopamine. You’re smiling at strangers and there’s a skip in your step. With a true craving satisfaction doesn’t matter (actually part of a different brain structure) because in the end, the scratch of any itch is only the quieting of want. This disconnect is one reason why the permission is very nearly as chemically exciting as the actual behaviour/substance. We story our basic biological responses into worlds of ‘less than’ or ‘more than most’ but true abundance is not found in any “quieting of want.” And tapping into its most powerful source is our ultimate human permission. My nose is tingling just thinking about it!
WARNING!!! Yes, from the soul blinding dearth of the void the thrill of submission to old rituals is intoxicating, even irresistible. Dear readers, I am on this journey with you and have just spent a month bathing lasciviously in what are unarguably isolating rituals, born of protection but now just kicking my ass. I am anything but the poster child for perfection. Machete in hand, I’m just trying my best to clear the path. Yes, the release, the neurotransmitter thrill of purity of purpose is one of the great gifts of the human experience. But it is not a place of poetry. In the void this is a place of fear – disguised as a naked schoolgirl in your lap or the last three sparkling strides of a touchdown run. The story feels too good to be true because it is. And as the orgasm fades, or the cup or bank account is drained, all that’s left is the salty metaphorical crumble in the bottom of the KFC bucket. And you’re all alone again, gasping, puking in the unforgiving blackness of the void. So you’d better remind yourself why you’re here…
I want change because I want a more connected and exciting future. No, that’s too abstract, and abstract isn’t worth shit down here in the void! I’m here because I wanna have more fun. I wanna share my creativity and blow open this life. I wanna be able to supernova any time I want. I want change because I WANT!!! And you want too!!! Maybe even more than I do. Only one way forward… to brave the void long enough to start altering our attentions so that we can finally give our happily ever afters the chance to reach out to us.
Read the next post: Making a change? Connecting with your universal self – Part 1
Did you miss…
Making a change? Welcome to the void!
Making a change? Why risk the void?
Making a change? The REAL reason to risk the void!
Making a change? The mindfulness key
Making a change? A warning from the void!
Making a change? Connecting with your universal self – Part 1
Making a change? Connecting with your universal self – Part 2
Making a change? Finding your authentic self