Made the change… now what?

changesLike any fool, I thought I could know change before change. I thought it could be an intellectual exercise, a well insulated thought experiment – like Einstein sitting cozy on the train. But I was wrong. You must become change to know it. You must kill all the lies before you can find your truth. And in that gap, that terrifying moment of freedom, if you’re very lucky and very brave… it’s here you will know love.

But love is only the beginning. What happens now? After years, or maybe even a lifetime of doing battle with ourselves, how do we face the vast emptiness that opens up on the other side of peace? After the initial thrill of the quiet, escapes left behind, distractions abandoned and emotions faced, it’s hard not to fall into their echos out of habit. I don’t know what happens next. Should we just slide into the roles our paradigm is so eager to prescribe? How do we go from the panic driven pursuit of pleasures (theoretically ~wink) to purpose? What happens when we actually grow up?

I have never been a follower, but now I have no choice. The gift is too beautiful. The haven call of this new internal voice I’ve risked more than all to find – “I’m safe, I’m forgiven, I’m loved” – is leading me onto this vast open plain. I keep my eyes on her footprints because to look too far ahead is blinding. And I keep a keen ear for the gentle pull of her grace as I move slowly forward, because there will always be demons chattering at us to turn away. I write this honestly, with the hope that my words will help light a path. And so let us create this new world together. When you are here, you are fully human, and you are loved, because that is the gift I want to share.

3 thoughts on “Made the change… now what?

  1. beautiful….i pause in the midst of chaos and wonder what would happen if i truly listened? here are what two friends told me. first, kathryn ricketts, “every arrival is a new departure”, and second, “resistance is an invitation” To love ourselves, to forgive ourselves, to be open to the not yet known with willing heart…here lies the challenge and joy of the gift of being present, here and now…you are not alone on your journey…Cymbria

    • Thank you Lynn! I love that line, “to be open to the not yet known with willing heart.” Perfect way to describe this listening process of following a feeling in small steps rather than blasting into someone else’s goal framework. I think Kathryn’s words sound scary at first, but are quite profound at a second look – and of course are quite helpful when applied to any “collection” of ideas, people, or things. I always come back to one of my favourite quotes:

      “Seek out that particular mental attribute which makes you feel most deeply and vitally alive, along with which comes the inner voice which says, ‘This is the real me,’ and when you have found that attitude, follow it.” ― William James, The Principles of Psychology

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