Who are you? Right now in this moment – with no apologies – who are you? If self is expressed through thoughts, words, and actions, how do yours line up? Are you… wait for it… congruent? Does your system express an inner harmony across all its layers of internal/external communication. If so, congratulations – you’re gonna get laid!
Heralds of truth come in all shapes and sizes: sometimes trumpeting with thick calves and good hair; sometimes scrawny redheads displaying somewhat disturbing troll-like tendencies. Case in point of the latter: Tyler from Real Social Dynamics. While I would never hold his hair colour against him – I’ve had some wonderfully flavourful encounters with ginger in all its forms – I still can’t believe I clicked on his Youtube sidebar “how to pick up women” video suggestion.
In my defense, as a consummate autodidact I feel it is my solemn, ever so noble, duty to educate myself across the broadest possible scope of humanity. Yes, duty. OK, OK, so maybe I was just a wee bit curious to see how my own game from back-in-the-day would stack up. And yes, I know I’m a woman (ultimate advantage), and a blonde (albeit highlighted – there I confessed!) so I’d be an idiot to suggest the playing field was equal, but still, I was curious…
Oh Tyler, how I misjudged you! Your cackling laugh, your somewhat dubious misogyny, your merciless quest for quality Russian p*ssy (sorry Tyler, dear, but I know you can take it) – somewhere buried beneath the ugliness was… that’s right… a small yet mighty grain of wisdom. Confidence, self-esteem, self-love, and charisma are the trademarks of attraction, but where do they come from, really? The one word answer might surprise you (although I suppose I already let the cat out of the bag in the first paragraph)… congruence. When your thoughts, words, and actions present a cohesive, congruent entity – the entire world is yours (yes, even chicks)!
You’re already awesome because you are key to the definition of humanity in this moment in time. Own it. Abstractions aside, if you sell someone a harmonious system, people (yes, even chicks) will be drawn to your energy and want to grab hold (yes, even chicks). Basically, by being congruent, you’re demonstrating proof of love and successful integration within a closed system, all without demanding validation from external components (aka chicks). You’re immediately offering value to the broader system without demanding anything in return. AHA!
Doesn’t have to be all biceps and butterflies. Tyler tells the story of his depressed friend’s super successful “broken man game” – blue painted bedroom and all! You’ll recognize your congruent self as your most honest comfortable self, one that presents a safe system for others to interact with because it’s predictable in all the right ways without being boring. Unless, of course, you’re boring, but I suppose congruently dull is still better than blue-balled – just guessing here.
Ancient Zaroastrian religion’s humata, hakhta, and huveshta (to think good, to speak good, to act good) and Buddhism’s eight fold path of right ________(fill in blank with pretty much any verb) are similar in their goals of personal congruence, along with most other religions. But leaving morality for another day and another post, let’s just do our best to be our most congruent selves this week. To be perfectly honest, I’m a little frightened as to what that might mean for my wardrobe!
Oh, and how did my game rate according to Tyler and Real Social Dynamics? Could’a taught that boy all he knows ~wink.
8 thoughts on “My best life advice came from a pickup artist”
This reminds me of Genie from Aladdin’s advice: “Bee yourself.” (He was a bumblebee at the time). I think that’s where all of the incongruence comes from, when you are trying to be someone other than yourself. It’s hard enough to keep one identity straight, let alone several fabricated ones!
I hear you Brantley! Oh man, but now I have that Genie bee visual stuck in my head – which means I have Robin Williams buzzing in my ear now too… oh great, just great. 😉 I think we’ve got to be congruent to whatever strange and wonderful human our decisions have led us to be in the present moment. You’re so right about the toxic incongruence that comes from fakin’ in! And I don’t know about you (though I can guess from you avatar lol), but I’m sure you and I have enough variation in our authentic personalities to bee buzzzzy enough without wasting time and energy making up a cover story!
Integrity. Authenticity. They work – and for anything we care to do. The problem with pickup artists (aka car salesmen, real estate agents, etc etc…the “product” and the “technique” being abstracted here) is they know how to manipulate the emotional response to such things. I don’t have any idea about that method or how it works, and I’m kind of glad about that… In the concept of such things, I think un-directed genuineness helps the congruence – for me, even if I do bumble along and fall over a lot along the way (literally as well as conceptually, actually, but let’s not go there).
Hehee – The verb ‘bumble’ is simply the more picturesque ‘scenic route’ vocabulary option when describing the pursuit of anything even mildly goal oriented. I bumble… you bumble… we all bumble! Tra…la…la…
I’m so with you on “un-directed genuineness” being the best path to personal congruence – any way you flip, slide, or spin it lolz. As far as sales goes, I’m still traumatized by the time I had to try to sell fundraising chocolates for a high school band trip. Donald Trump I am not – and glad of it!
Cymbria you are so funny! what a great line to end on….I like this idea of congruency…yes of course, makes total sense….perhaps that’s why I feel so incongruent in my own life…the wardrobe just doesn’t match the job description; the job doesn’t match the marital status….the expert of congruency? I’m reading the biography of Leonard Cohen. ‘nut said! 🙂 keep on writing!!
Thank you Lynn! You have the exceptionally fabulous wardrobe of a Blank Canvas Thinker. Which means you’re in disguise at pretty much any job people are willing to pay someone to do… sigh. Story of our lives! Irony is, of course, that the paychecks earned through our incongruences are currently funding our inner/outer explorations towards congruency. As for marital status, all I can say is some days are far more congruent than others ~wink.
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