Can a salad sex up your summer?

Posted on by

sexy saladsYou know you want it… the tastes, the smells, the mouthfeel (oh man, I love that word). Go ahead and indulge. You’re worth it. You’ve earned it. Life is short. Woah… wait a second. Are we talking about sex or salads here? Can the prerequisite platitudes we use to defend anything from hair colouring to having affairs apply equally to vegetables? Life is short – here, have a carrot. Nope. Didn’t think so.

pineapple avocado saladSo if life is so short why bother eating healthy? Because it’ll be a hell of a lot shorter if we don’t? Like that argument ever works – not! How about another tempting equation: eat salad = get skinny = get laid? Logical. But just ask the next whiny wisp of a woman how sexy she feels tucking into her sprouts n’ lentils. Now, I can sit here and wax on about supporting one’s optimal system state with a custom care diet that’s high in fiber/nutrients and low in calories/sugar. But why bother when the straight-up skinny is…

Pure unadulterated pleasure.

smoked herring saladForget parched packaged veggies and Subway blasphemies. The key is to go right back to your hunter gatherer roots and get primal about your lunch. The grocery store becomes your ranging territory rather than an overwhelming warehouse. Follow your senses! Hunt for the colours and textures that stand out (most likely to be in season) from the others and get creative. Jumble a load of random deliciousness into your basket – veggies, fresh/dried fruits, cheeses, kippers, etc. And don’t forget about novelty dressing ingredients. Listen to your mood, to the weather, and pay attention to whatever items stimulate and/or excite a reaction or craving.

raspberry pumpkin seed saladChop/roast/mix your foragings and store them in containers (I’ve taken over our office fridge’s bottom drawer) for easy custom salad recipes, made according to the tastes of the day. Basically, you’re trying to create easy access to a sensory orgy of nutrient rich unprocessed foods while giving you a sense of control over your system state without sacrificing novelty, risk, or surprise.

Can a salad set-up sex up your summer? Hell ya! When we invest time and energy into supporting our optimal system state – however counterintuitive the specifics may feel at first – we gain a new sense of ownership and appreciation for our bodies. Rather than feeding a desperate amygdala with sugars and fats, a healthy system gives us space to indulge a far greater range of pleasures – gastronomic and otherwise. An attitude of curiousity and honest indulgence about food (+ all that zinc) keeps our brains alert for other… um… indulgences. And obviously, getting in primo shagging shape is an extra bonus.

Sandwich to Salad Week Day 4: The solar powered spinach mushroom salad + *BONUS* The ‘everything but the kitchen sink’ salad

Posted on by

The solar powered spinach mushroom saladThere is no universal perfect salad. It’s one of the hard truths of our existence, that perfection is, ultimately, an individual experience. But what human can deny the exaltation felt when the first rays of sun burst through a cloudy sky? The shared emotional warmth of a sudden sunbeam is as universal as we’ll ever get (besides death and sex – but they’re a little harder to work into a salad). Spinach, even when garnished with an asteroid belt of mushrooms can leave even the most dedicated salad explorer pining for Subway – the horror! But add a yellow centre of sunny corn and sunflower seeds and behold… The 5 day sandwich to salad meal plan revolution bursts back to life. Alleluia anyone?

The solar powered spinach mushroom salad
1/2 can corn niblets
2 tbsp sunflower seeds
1 boiled egg
4 large white mushrooms
1/3 cup baby carrots
1 large handful spinach
1 small bunch flat leaf parsley

Chop all (larger) ingredients into bite-sized pieces. Top with corn and sunflower seeds. Drizzle with your favourite dressing or what could be your new fave ‘Punny Mustard Vinaigrette’.

The 'everything but the kitchen sink' salad*BONUS* There are moments in life where to push forward, we must throw everything we have into the mix, our skills and talents, our hopes and dreams, our seeds and beans. This salad is one such occasion. As in life, we put it all together and pray it all works out for the best. And when the leap of faith tastes as delicious as this salad, we are reminded, with sweet relief, that our complexities give flavour to our greatest experiences… and our greatest selves.

The ‘everything but the kitchen sink’ salad
1/3 can assorted beans
2 tbsp pumpkin seeds
25g sliced ham
2 large white mushrooms
2 small tomatoes
1 seranno pepper
1 yellow bell pepper
1 small handful spinach
(or lettuce – or heck, both!)
1 small bunch flat leaf parsley

Thinly slice seranno pepper. Chop all (larger) ingredients into bite-sized pieces. Top with beans, seeds, and your favourite dressing.

This is a Story Thread post – Click to read more…

******************

fast and easy summer salad recipes 3Day 1: The ham and cheese sandwich salad + Inspiration story
Day 2: The fresh off the ‘cobb’ salad that can’t be ‘beet’ + Punny mustard vinaigrette
Day 3: The ‘too healthy for its own good’ beany bread bonanza salad
Day 4: The solar powered spinach mushroom salad + *BONUS* The ‘everything but the kitchen sink’ salad
Day 5: The happy ham and egg weekend brunch anticipation salad

Sandwich to Salad Week Day 3: The ‘too healthy for its own good’ beany bread bonanza salad

Posted on by

bean and bread saladIndulging in this salad demands a certain smug hubris. Ha! You say as you look around at your coworkers with their sad little muffins and phallic shaped plastic bags marking them as slaves to Subway. You, like that perfectly groomed businessman on the elevator, can claim a well deserved self-righteousness, because halfway through this 5 day meal plan revolution you have found the secret, not to wealth, not to power, but to pleasure without consequence (provided your system can digest beans discreetly). For you have crawled out of the sensory deprivation chamber of so many celebrated celebrity diets of grilled chicken and steamed vegetables. You have created for yourself a flavourful multilayered orgasm of textural ecstasies. Yes Yes YES – so green, so nutrient packed, and so damn good.

The ‘too healthy for its own good’ beany bread bonanza salad
1 small whole wheat dinner roll
1/3 can assorted beans
2 tbsp pumpkin seeds
1 serrano pepper
3 large white mushrooms
1 medium tomato
1 handful spinach
1 small bunch flat leaf parsley

Tear roll into croutons. Thinly slice serrano pepper. Chop all other (large) ingredients into bite-size pieces. Top salad with beans, pumpkin seeds, and drizzle with day two’s ‘Punny Mustard Dressing’.

This is a Story Thread post – Click to read more…

******************

fast and easy summer salad recipes 3Day 1: The ham and cheese sandwich salad + Inspiration story
Day 2: The fresh off the ‘cobb’ salad that can’t be ‘beet’ + Punny mustard vinaigrette
Day 3: The ‘too healthy for its own good’ beany bread bonanza salad
Day 4: The solar powered spinach mushroom salad + *BONUS* The ‘everything but the kitchen sink’ salad
Day 5: The happy ham and egg weekend brunch anticipation salad

Sandwich to Salad Week Day 2: The fresh off the ‘cobb’ salad that can’t be ‘beet’ + Punny mustard vinaigrette

Posted on by

Cobb salad This cobb salad is so much more than just an awkward literary ‘pun’ch line. “The lowest form of humour” leads to a highly tasty form of a classic recipe. Corn, ham, beets, and eggs are just the ‘beg’ining of a salad that your coworkers will be begging you to share. Click Here to catch up on day one and read the story behind this 5 day meal plan ‘salad’vation from Subway. But be warned! In keeping with our high-brow-lunch-low-brow-humour, your own brows might be raised by some mildly ‘sub’gestive nudity.

The fresh off the ‘cobb’ salad that can’t be ‘beet’
1/3 can cubed beets
1/3 can corn niblets
1/3 cup baby carrots
50g sliced ham
2 boiled eggs
1 yellow bell pepper
1 handful lettuce
2 large white mushrooms
2 tbsp pumpkin seeds

Chop all (larger) ingredients into bite-sized pieces. Top with beets, corn, and pumpkin seeds.

Punny mustard vinaigrette
3 tbsp apple cider vinegar
4 tbsp canola or olive
1 tbsp whole grain mustard
2 tsp tsp yellow mustard
1 tbsp liquid honey
pinch of salt

Combine ingredients and shake, shake, shake!

This is a Story Thread post – Click to read more…

******************

fast and easy summer salad recipes 3Day 1: The ham and cheese sandwich salad + Inspiration story
Day 2: The fresh off the ‘cobb’ salad that can’t be ‘beet’ + Punny mustard vinaigrette
Day 3: The ‘too healthy for its own good’ beany bread bonanza salad
Day 4: The solar powered spinach mushroom salad + *BONUS* The ‘everything but the kitchen sink’ salad
Day 5: The happy ham and egg weekend brunch anticipation salad

Sandwich to Salad Week Day 1: The ham and cheese sandwich salad + Inspiration story

Posted on by

ham and cheese sandwich saladSick of Subway? Stop the hunter/gatherer lunch panic and start eating healthy on your own terms and tastes. This transitional salad will ease you into a 5 day meal plan revolution. All you need to get started is a half-decent knife and a cutting board. And Remember, you can always substitute any ingredient/quantity to maximize you palate’s pleasure…

Ham and cheese sandwich salad:
1 small whole wheat dinner roll
2 slices (unprocessed!) cheddar cheese
50g sliced ham
1/2 avocado
1 red bell pepper
1 serrano pepper
1 handful spinach (or lettuce)
1 small bunch flat leaf parsley

Tear the roll into croutons. Slice the serrano thinly. Chop all other ingredients into bite-sized pieces. Top with your favourite dressing, or hang tight for day two’s ‘Punny Mustard Vinaigrette’. Then read the inspiration story below…

modern neanderthal man and woman“If I ever have to eat another Subway sandwich I swear I’m going to bite somebody’s ears off!” Shouts the Mike Tyson throwback standing beside his wife in the doorway of my Blank Canvas Living Creative Counselling office. His Ferragamo loafers and her Gucci pumps belie the couple’s apparent regression, not to childhood, but back a good 50 000 years.

“I know Subway can get tedious,” I say, as diplomatically as possible, “and it’s got way more salt than you’d think. And I know every sandwich pretty much smells the same and tastes the same… but you’d have to eat a hell of a lot of ears to keep you full till supper.”

“Humph,” grunts the prehistoric wife. “There just aren’t a lot of other options downtown when you’re trying to eat healthy.”

I invite them to sit down, and leave their weapons by the door. “Ok, so your hunter/gatherer approach means you’re stalking a territory of what.. maybe a 300m radius? You’re letting the environment control your meal planning. Take charge! Go together to a smaller, but far more lucrative hunting ground – The Grocery Store! Once or twice a week, go forage to your hearts’ content. If you like the same sorts of things in bed – you’re married aren’t you! – you must enjoy similar flavours in a salad. And change it around – personalize your combos. Spice things up with some spontaneous veggie variety.”

“But then what?” Asks the Ferragamo-ed pre-neolithic man. “We never have any time in the mornings.”

“Who does? All you need is a fridge and a tap – any office kitchen will do. Buy a half-decent knife and a cheap cutting board, and keep one of the fridge drawers stockpiled with ingredients. Then take those same 10 minutes to chop up your salad. You can put together a different recipe every time, depending on what mood you’re in. I’ll email you a recipe every day this week to get you started. Now gather your furs, pick up your spears, and go back to work!”

This is a Story Thread post – Click to read more…

******************

fast and easy summer salad recipes 3Day 1: The ham and cheese sandwich salad + Inspiration story
Day 2: The fresh off the ‘cobb’ salad that can’t be ‘beet’ + Punny mustard vinaigrette
Day 3: The ‘too healthy for its own good’ beany bread bonanza salad
Day 4: The solar powered spinach mushroom salad + *BONUS* The ‘everything but the kitchen sink’ salad
Day 5: The happy ham and egg weekend brunch anticipation salad

Make love to the world or make the world’s perfect salad?

Posted on by

terry richardson perfect saladDon’t get me wrong, I’ve worked jobs in both industries, but there comes a time when a girl’s got to break free and make the choice to say THIS is who I am…

Yes, that is sweet potato, and yes, it was perfectly deliciousThis brain is blessed with the genetic trick to be able to translate the raw violence of our humanity into short black strokes on a page. Words. I’ve teased them, held them, rolled them around in my mouth until they’ve begged for release. But it is never enough.

The same brain, the creator of worlds, demands a physicality. I have clothed my body in my own designs, used objects and images to pull people into exotic, intoxicating paradigms – where I’ve teased them, held them, rolled them around in my mouth until they’ve begged for release. But it is never enough.

The same brain, the woman, craves the deepest connection. Love. Faith. Family. A loyalty and consistency so in conflict with the gnashing Rimbaud mind. Love. I tease him, hold him, roll him around… But it is never enough.

Yes, that is sweet potato, and yes, it was perfectly deliciousI live for ideas, and for story. I am an exploration, and I am a woman. There is no ‘happy middle ground’. So what then? Be Lee Miller? Blaze through my own physicality, run a bath at the high point, then submit to decay? Be Terry Richardson / Olivier Zahm? Run around with a camera in one hand and my manhood in the other? Flash a nipple once every dozen posts or so, just to keep my audience hooked? No.

Perfect salad?Do I blog my way to the world’s perfect salad? Harness my creative intellect and train it down, tame it down, to service the ultimate temporal/individual subjective? Just to make everybody else happy and safe? No. Not when the perfect salad is a frank impossibility, especially when compared to the tempting universality of the perfect blow job. NO.

Take ‘time’ out of the equation and the ‘world’ disappears. There is only this moment of interaction, you and I, giving and receiving. What if I told you I’ve found a way? Not to straddle, oscillate between, or deny these conflicting extremes of existence, but a format for their expression and a place to mediate alternative, individualized, solutions? Would you believe me? Would you dare? After a dedicated program of study in current brain science and the historical evolution of ideas, the time has come for me to say: “Let’s both have the balls to find out.”
good times?If the only way to draw instant creative  success in our current cultural paradigm is for me to dance naked down the street with BlankCanvasLiving.com plastered all over my body, then no. So it might be just us for a while. That’s fine with me. I’ll do my very best to tease you, hold you, roll you around in storied ideas until you beg not for release, but for permission to take our warm, close world into your own.