We mold our womanhood from a thousand bits of clay, not the cool wet river mud of our deepest stories, but countless social scripts that shape our permissions. We learn to bypass our biology and ignore the quiet moments with our mothers in favour of the symbols and rituals of an artificial construct. But bring time into the equation and that construct begins to fade away.
I spent much of high school hiding out in my boyfriend’s basement, a precious geode of shimmering pop cans and pizza boxes. We gorged on Star Trek and our own future fantasies. And, his parents got HBO…Sex and the City! Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda glowed white hot in my little cave. Whatever chaos was rumbling above ground, I knew 100% that I would someday join those girls in their life-sustaining glamour. It was inevitable; those man-eating Manolos would be mine. Faith takes many forms.
Now I’m the age they were, still are, and always will be. Two nights ago I found myself youtubing all my favorite scenes with an almost frantic desperation. I just couldn’t catch hold of that familiar glow. I’ve felt the fantasy, with its comfort and safety, slipping for a while now, but I’ve been so reluctant to let it go. I had to burrow my way out of my boyfriend’s basement all those years ago, and I know that to stand blinking in this new sun I have to leave Sex and the City behind. I haven’t been able to watch a full episode of Star Trek since the breakup and I wonder if this will be the same?
Womanhood is an evolution. Our clay never dries. And now, as I move into an exciting new stage, I’ve found my own glamour – which looks very different – and reached into the very bowels of existence to claim its voice. Don’t be afraid of your own evolution, or your biology. Your strength and beauty are yours to define. And your new story will find you when you’re ready.
But, just for the record, I’ll always be a Samantha ~wink.
Blank Canvas Living 
Well, good on you. I’m far from the show’s target demographic and have seen a grand total of maybe 60 minutes of it, but what I did see kind of pissed me off. It seemed to suggest that the way to solve problems was to over-analyze the shit out them with one’s friends and much less about getting out there and learning how the World works and how to actually solve problems in it. The characters seemed incredibly self-centered to me in that they seemed to think that their personal relationship troubles and existential angst were incredibly important and deserving every iota of their time and attention. A terrible model, particularly for younger viewers.
Wow, love your comment! I totally agree. Sex and the City ranks just behind the Kardashians in terms of dangerous role models. The bubblegum glamour disguises so many relationship faux pas. And what’s with the us against them mentality in regards to men? I shiver to think how many of my own choices may have been shaped by all those hours watching 😏…gawd help my husband lol.
I’m so a Carrie xo
Looks like we’re already friends lol. I hope you’ve found your Mr. Big 😉 …one who isn’t so slippery
millions of images from our media saturated lives, and the ones I have are of you on the beach at the cottage, sailing, climbing up to the fire tower – resiliency is a gift you have Cymbria.
My recommendation, if I may, is to avoid all social media, internet media – other than Blank Canvas…..we cannot see our true reflections….I was listening to a radio interview on CBC where all the social media content and platforms are designed to get us addicted, to clicking, clicking, clicking and not being present in our own lives. Take flight my beautiful butterfly!
love always Lynn
“Not walls of cements but,…the melodies of our temperature.” –Barba, 1995
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Thank you Lynn! When we take away the screens, we take away the filters and are free to find our reflections in nature as we test ourselves against its boundaries. There is no gender on the lake, hiked out hauling rope with every muscle and nerve keen to the temperament of the winds.
I play with the mask because I’ve always been so sure of what’s underneath… and to be recognized in my element is a true gift indeed 😌. Ps no regrets on leaving off googling trump…thanks! Although I can’t quite resist a quick peek at celebrity gossip…sigh. It’s those darn shoes again lol!
Nice evolution 😉